dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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