He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
