He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
