found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
