i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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