I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
