Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
