I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
