Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
