Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
