I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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