think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Did you pee in the oven last night??
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
