I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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