After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
