So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
