What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
