I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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