fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
