he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
