In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
