why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize