I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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