There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
