so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
