dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
