The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
