Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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