A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
