Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
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surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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