Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize