I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
