Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize