i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
