So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
