It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My vagina is very pro this idea
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
