the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
