My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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