i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
