is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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