Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
