conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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