ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Too much gin, very little bucket
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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