Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
