very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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