The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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