she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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