Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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