Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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