Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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