the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
