You just made me feel so damn special
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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