I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize