I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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