your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
vagina is talking i cant
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
