i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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