susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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