feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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