Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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