I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
