apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
