Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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