I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
