i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
