Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
