glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
